I Ain't No Grammar Girl

By Lori Boruff

I am a writer but not the best

so I'm getting this off my chest--

I ain't no grammar girl!

My participles dangle                                                             

and I don't even no it,

I imagine the scene

but don't know how to show it.

Double negatives haunt me,

ellipses taunt me,

conjuctions I strut—

don't look at my big but!

I ain't no grammar girl!

I often compare my verbs to yours.

Am I a skinny or fat writer?

In my dreams I hear

Cec Murphey scream WRITE TIGHTER!

I ain't no grammar girl!

I suffer from split infinitives—

however, they're not readily contagious,

that's what I think about that!

Is that too many thats?

Will I grow up to be the grammar queen?

The bestest writer you've ever seen?

Practice makes perfect, I know that's true,

so look out grammar gurus—someday I may be like you!