I don’t like Spam in a can, I don’t like the taste.
I don’t like Spam in an e-mail—the time that it wastes.
Whether pink and wet and slimy or not,
Ground or sliced, cold or hot—
Innocent-looking but nasty inside,
When I see Spam I want to hide.
I don’t like Spam.
I don’t like Spam in a can, I don’t like the feel.
I don’t like Spam in an e-mail—the rot it can conceal.
To get Spam in a can, you must drive somewhere.
Spam in my e-mail floats in on the air.
Spam in a can is a choice you can make.
Spam in my e-mail sneaks in like a snake.
I don’t like Spam.
I don’t like Spam in a can, I don’t like the smell.
I don’t like Spam in an e-mail—makes me wanna yell.
Gelatinous mass of unpleasant stuff
Or
Abominable tonnage of verbal duff… I don’t like Spam.
Spam in an e-mail can bear my name.
It can look like one thing yet be nothing the same.
But Spam in a can you cannot disguise;
Chop, grind or casserole it, your nose will be wise.
So if the time came that I must choose
Between Spam in a can and the Not-so-nice News,
I think that I might just make the choice
To toss my can opener… and lose my voice.
I don’t like Spam!
EPILOGUE: I loved my password. I called it my own from the first e-mail I ever wrote. My fingers flew over the keys to type it. It was a word that had fond associations for me. I loved my password. Then one day a Spam message arrived with my return address on it. I opened it, curious. My own face smiled at me from a message I would not dream of typing. I was forced to rummage in the attic of rejected possibilities for a new password. Alas.
Though I might reflect on the futility of railing at Spam with my words, the exercise has at least given vent to my feelings. I have taken a stand against both a culinary fixture of my parents’ generation, and against one of mine. Then or now, I don’t like Spam.
Robin J. Steinweg delights in the Lord homeschooling; writing children’s books; directing, writing and arranging music; teaching students 5-85; leading worship; and listening for the Music of the Master’s voice. Among other things, Robin writes devotionals for the online magazine The Christian Pulse.
