Focusing in an ADHD World:

By Shelly Akins

There’s a half-finished puzzle on my dining room table. Some of my Christmas decorations are still up on the high shelf. I’ve got a first draft of a novel in the drawer waiting for revisions. I’ve got countless sewing and craft projects in various states of completion stuffed in totes and boxes.

I used to pride myself on being the jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none. But now, I just find it frustrating. I look at all those unfinished things as minor failures. I jump from one thing to the next to the next just because it’s new and shiny. Then I get bored and move on without finishing it and seeing it through to the end.

I told my husband the other day that I felt like the Little Dutch Boy with all my fingers stuck in the holes in the dam. The problem is, I’m running out of fingers. There’s always one more thing, one more demand on my time, one more five minute thing that someone needs me to do.

Enough.

I’ve spent the last year of my life doing some soul searching and figuring out what it is I want to do and be. I’ve lost focus and drive. I’ve lost my purpose and goals. I’ve quit too many things. What really makes me happy? I didn’t have an answer for that question. I still don’t. But I know that too many projects stresses me out. I don’t have time to really concentrate on the things that make me happy. Heck, I don’t even have time to do the laundry.

So I’m focusing, narrowing my lens to a few things. This means making some sacrifices: I’m dropping out of the cast of a play, I’m cutting back on my writing obligations, I’m not taking as many sub jobs. But it also means looking at the important things: walking my son to and from school, quilting on Tuesdays, going to lunch with friends, focusing on my consulting business. These are things that make me happy. The other stuff (as much as I love those things) are just getting in the way.

What makes you happy? What distractions are getting in your way? How can you move those things out of the way and continue on your journey toward happiness?

"Do Unto Others" Even on Black Friday

By Shelly Akins

The holidays have now officially started. Tomorrow people will crowd the malls and fight each other for big screen TVs and some random toy that their child has to have. When I heard that some stores were starting their sales at midnight, my first thoughts were not of the sales or of the deals that stores are offering. Rather, I’m thinking about those people who have to work all night trying to keep mothers from killing each other over a game. Those people need to be mentioned in our daily prayers from now until after the first of the year. They don’t get paid enough to put up with someone screaming at them at 2 a.m. on Black Friday about why there are no more 62 inch plasma TVs left on the shelf.

I must admit that I have never gone and camped out and waited for sales. As a result, I’ve probably spent more money than I could have for Christmas presents. I did accidently go to Wal-Mart once on the afternoon of Black Friday to pick up something like toilet paper. People had been waiting in the layaway line for four hours. FOUR HOURS to put something on hold that they don’t have the money to buy. Think about that.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to shop. My mom and I have been known to spend hours in the same store. I find shopping cathartic. There’s something simple in getting something new, especially if it’s something that you’ve saved for or have been looking for a long time.

Christmas shopping is different. There’s pressure with Christmas shopping. There’s a deadline. There’s things that have to be done and bought and wrapped and shipped and opened and put away. There’s the endless lists and hoping that you’re getting the right thing and wondering if $20 is enough to spend on your mother’s cousin’s best friend’s daughter who always seems to show up unannounced Christmas afternoon.

The meaning of the season is lost in all the pushing and shoving. I know that Advent is the time to wait and prepare for the coming Christ, but it’s more than that. It’s time to spend with family and friends, eating, laughing, catching up. It should be more about a few perfect moments than about how much money we spend and who wins the retail wars.

So, over the next few weeks when you’re out and about, tired, trying to cross everything off your list, remember those who are working in retail helping you find tie for Uncle Rick or standing at the register listening to Jingle Bells for the 4,563rd time today. It’s not their fault the line is long or that someone ran over your foot with a cart, or that there are no more copies of The Help on Blu Ray. Smile, thank them and let them know you empathize with them. And say a little prayer for them when that mother with the out of control kids starts screaming behind you.

Identity Crisis:

By Shelly Akins

 

Identity: identifying ones self as something.

All summer people have been asking me, “What have you been doing now that you quit your job?”  I find myself struggling to answer this question.  I’m not a stay-at-home mom because my kids still go to day care; I’m not working on writing seriously, so I’m not a writer; I’m not a teacher because I just sub.  I started thinking, I’m not really anything. 

That’s not really a true statement.  Of course I’m a wife, mother, daughter, friend, but why isn’t that enough?  Why do I feel like I need a job to have an identity?  Maybe it’s because we spend most of our lives telling people what we want to do and be.  When we’re five people ask: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  When we’re in high school we’re asked, “What are your plans for after graduation?  What are you going to do?”  When we’re leaving college people ask “Do you have a job?  What are you doing next?”  Our jobs dictate where we live, what kind of car we buy, the house we live in, what vacations we take.  We are identified by what we do, for better or worse.

So how do I answer the question, “What do you do?”  I substitute teach.  I do laundry.  I’m a consultant.  I hang out with my kids.  I play Wii games.  I watch Project Runway.  I write on occasion.  I go to lunch with friends.  I quilt. 

I love having control over my time.  Time to discover my new identity and a new way to answer the question, “So, what do you do?”  I do what I need and want to do. Each day is a new adventure and I am enjoying not knowing what it is I do.

Book Nook: A New Year

By Shelley Akins

Happy New Year! 

No I’m not messed up with my calendar. I’ve always thought that the beginning of school was a more appropriate time to celebrate new beginnings and starting over. At the start of the school year, you get a new teacher, new classroom, new people, new unsharpened pencils, clean white paper full of possibilities. You get new clothes and new shoes. Anything is possible in this new year.

 

As a kid, teacher and now a parent, I looked forward to these new beginnings. When I was a student, I was reunited with friends that I hadn’t seen for an entire summer. As a teacher, I was filled with the hope of the year that was to come and what great and awesome things my students and I would do together. Now, as a parent of a kindergartner, I’ll send Joel off to school on Monday with the anticipation of learning new things, meeting new people and starting his own journey into the school cycle.

In light of this New Year, I have made some reading goals for myself:

1. I will read at least four non-fiction books before the end of May. I’ve been generating a list and am excited to read them.

2. I will read at least 10 books on the Illinois Read for a Lifetime list (can be this year’s list or past years). I discovered new authors and wonderful new stories. I will not spend time reading books I don’t like just because they are on this list.

3. I will read the five books on my shelf that others have lent me and give them back.

4. I will continue to read the next books in the series as they come out: Power of Six, Beautiful Days, and Goliath come out in the next few weeks.

5. I will keep track of everything that I read. This was a resolution of mine a few years back and I am still working at it.

So five goals. If I add it up that’s 21 books to read in nine months. That’s doable.

What are your New Year’s goals?

Shelly can be reached at shelly.akins@yahoo.com. She’s always searching for book recommendations.

How I Know I'm a Writer

By Shelly Akins

 

How do I know I’m a writer?  

I’m know I’m a writer because the words flow from my fingers onto the blank screen filling up the white spaces.  On those days, my message is clear, my descriptions brilliant, my characters do just what I tell them to. 
 

I’m know a writer because I sit down and do it even when the words don’t come easy, or I’m tired, or I feel like what I have to say isn’t worth anything, or when my characters act like the rebellious teenagers they are and refuse to follow my directions.  

I’m know a writer because I enjoy reading and learning from other’s writing both published authors and my critique group friends.  

 

I’m know I’m a writer because other people ask me about writing and take my opinions and advice seriously.  

 

I know I’m a writer because I have a story in my heart and I want to tell it to the world.

What’s Your Dream?

By Shelly Atkins

When we were little kids, we dreamed about the amazing things we would do when we grew up. Somewhere along the line, we gave up on these dreams. Maybe someone told us we didn’t really have the athletic talent an Olympic gold medal swimmer, or some one said hardly anyone makes it as a singer on Broadway. Or maybe it’s just not practical to jump on an airplane and travel the world. I mean, how would you make any money?

 And that’s what it boiled down to for me. I couldn’t possibly be a writer, how would I make any money. So I tried other practical things like teaching and journalisim. But those aren’t my passions. Not my dreams. Not what I wanted to be when I grew up. I’d lost my vision, my dream for my future. I was letting life take me on a journey without a map. I didn’t like the direction I was going, but felt powerless to do anything about it. I had lost my vision. 

Without vision, we wander around in the dark both literally (if we lose the ability to see with our eyes) and figuratively (if we loose the ability to discern with our hearts.) The dictionary defines vision as “the act or power of anticipating that which will or may come to be.” (from www.dictionary.com). Isn’t that faith?

A few months ago, someone on a social network I’m a part of asked the question, “If you could change your situation, the way you fill your days, what would you do?” The answer for me was simple: I’d quit my job and work as a freelance writer full time. 

But the first rule of freelacing is: DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB.

I haven’t ever really been one to follow all the rules. The more I thought and prayed about quitting, the more I wanted to do it. But I was scared. What if all those fears I kept telling my self were true? All those fears that kept me in a job for years: What if I wasn’t good enough? What if I didn’t make any money? What if I quit and I hate freelancing? 

Last week I put in notice at my job at a local newspaper. I have a little over a month left. I feel free now to work on what I want to do, interview and research the things that interest me and fill my writing days with my own stories and ideas.

Quitting has taken a great leap of faith. But isn’t that vision? I have a vision now, I’m working on turning that vision into goals and setting steps to achieve those goals. I have a map and am dictating my own journey.

What’s your vision? Are you writing it down and working towards it? What do you need to get there?

Introducing Shelly Akins

Who's Got Questions?


The three high school girls look expectantly at me to answer their question during Sunday school: Does God love people who don’t believe in Him? It’s more complicated than a yes or no answer.

Together we have struggled with this question in various forms over the past four years we have been together as a Sunday school class. They have each grown up in the church and in faith, yet as they enter their mid-teen years, they have begun to question what it is they actually believe. Where are the miracles of the Bible in our lives today? Why doesn’t God speak to us in a voice we can hear and understand? Who are we to live and who does God love? These questions continue to crop up during our Bible study times together.

My answer is to them is usually, what do you think? Really, it’s because I don’t know myself. Teaching…that’s not the right word, leading them these past few years has made me grow deeper in my faith and sake myself tough questions about what I believe and why. These three young women of God challenge me in their desire to grow into strong women of God. We’ve learned that some questions just lead to more questions, not answers.

I took my faith for granted and thought I knew what I believed, but in teaching them, I’ve had to really think about the why of what I believe. Why do we have a trinity and if God is one being why are there separate parts? When I pray for God to heal my grandmother (who has Alzheimer’s disease) she only keeps getting worse?

I don’t know. A lot of times, the other members of the class have better answers than I do. In response to the Alzheimer’s question, a classmate commented that we don’t always know God’s plan and we have to have faith that He’s in control.

You want to be challenged in your faith? You want to grow? Teach Sunday school or hang out with young Christians. Sometimes I feel like children, youth and young people are looked down on by older members of the church. They may not have all the answers to their faith, but they do have questions. Will you be the one that they look to for answers and guidance?


Shelly Akins is a small town reporter, a city girl learning about farm life one story at a time. Shelly also likes to write non fiction articles for chidren's magazines. When she's not writing, she reads and reads, especially young adult novels. She is a Presbyterian pastor's wife and the mother of two children. Read more of her writing on hub pages here: http://hubpages.com/profile/shellyakins




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