Equations of Love

By Brenda Lysak

Motivated by Compassion                                                            John 6: 11, Mark 8:6, Matthew 15:36

Problem: A lot of hungry people. Resources: a few pieces of bread and fish. Solution: Thank God for what you have and His provision. If you begin using what you have, and trust God, not only will there be enough but the leftovers will exceed what you started with.  

 Motivated by Fear                                                                                           Matthew 25:14-30

Each of three men started out with a certain amount, be it opportunities, money, time, health, intellect, or talent. The first two invested and doubled the original amount. One man embraced fear and instead of investing he played it safe.  He was rewarded with punishment. He was despised and even the small amount was taken away.  The other two were rewarded with more, and honored for the risks they took. Fear should not be accepted as normal. In the kingdom of God fear is evil.

 More than Enough                                                                                          Romans 5:17

For if by one man’s lapse death reigned, much more surely will those who receive God’s overflowing grace and free gift of being made right with God reign(control, command, govern) as kings in life through the one man Jesus Christ.

Notice the word overflowing. The prefix “over”, means over the top, or too much. We have more than enough Grace for every challenge so therefore embracing fear, or inadequacy equals denying God. 

The Ministry of Accepting Myself

By Brenda Lysak

I did everyone a favor by hating myself. This attitude gave voice to apologetic self depreciating remarks, a cover up. The reality of me scared me.  I thought I was looking after the problem so I wouldn’t be a bother to anyone. I thought rejecting me was a motivating exfoliating punishment. Strangely I was trying to protect myself. I thought if I rejected me, no one else would.

Unfortunately, or happily, not accepting myself turned out to be evil.  The hatred spilled out all around me.  Imagine, the decisions I made during that time!  If I could rewrite my story, what different caring thoughtful exciting decisions might I have made on my behalf?

About 16 years ago awhile reading and rereading Romans chapters 1-6 every day for 30 or more days not only was I radically born again but also experienced a revelation about the evil of hating myself. I did an emotional U-turn.  I had to use my mustard size faith to avoid the plunging emotions of self hatred that had become my default mechanism. But because my belief system had changed my behavior changed.

A perfect holy God accepts me awhile fully knowing the depths of my depravity. If God loves me who do I think I am to hate myself?! I recognized the evil of prejudice yet I was prejudiced against myself. Of all the people I am responsible for how irresponsible to dislike myself.

I have been on a journey of growing awareness of just how good the Good News is.  How deep, how wide, how high, is God’s love.  I will never forget the day the revelation of God being bigger than my stuff hit me. I could see all of me and smile because I had become aware of who my Savior was.

I sang this song over and over before it hit me. My past, present or future is not the issue, who Jesus is, is all that matters. Jesus, I am resting, resting in the joy of what you are; I am finding out the greatness of your loving heart. You have bid me gaze upon you, and your beauty fills my soul. For by your transforming power you have made me whole. (Jean Pigott, 1845-1882)

Preschoolers

By Brenda Lysak

Preschoolers exhibit high interest and curiosity for language development. They enjoy the sounds of language in terms of stories, rhyme, singing, and developing pre-reading skills. Landmark preschool uses all of the above to encourage growth and development in phonemic awareness. 

Curriculum has been developed with language as a focus. Children are introduced to the names of the ABC’s as well as the sounds they make. We encourage participation by drawing imaginary letter s in the air and reluctant learners are able to focus when the letter is written on their back.  Note: Introducing every letter is not important as we feel that it is more productive to ‘finish’ letters and the words they create. Small groups create an art project or craft exploring the above information in yet another way.  Fine motor and early reading skills build self confidence. 

Curiosity is encouraged and developed with high interest learning centers. We have a magnet, ABC, play dough, cutting, literacy, sorting various materials, train, counting, paint, magnifying glasses to explore natural material, building, and sewing stations. These are rotated according to interest, need, and or theme.  The various stations are designed to encourage imagination, creativity, and independence.

Colors, shapes, and counting skills are included in the moment. During morning rituals, kids count concrete objects in a holistic fashion.  This provides staff with an opportunity to assess counting development. Puzzling is often included in the day’s activities.   Staff helps children choose puzzles with appropriate challenge. Birthdays are celebrated by singing to BD child and counting candles together. Expected outcome is growth of self esteem, fine motor and social skills. 

Free play is respected at Landmark Preschool by utilizing sensitive transitions from one activity to another. We do not hold to a rigid schedule although we do have a schedule. For example when large motor activities is scheduled we observe play to see if children are ready for a change and initiate transition when they are ready. For example: if they have had 45 minutes of free play, and demonstrate an interest or need for large motor play.  

Social skills are developed in the moment as well as outside of the moment. During circle time children are encouraged to respect each other’s space, and share attention.  They share attention by listening to each other and by learning to raise their hands instead of all talking at one time. During play time they are coached through conflict in terms of looking out for each other. For example if someone has grabbed a toy or hit someone the offender is encouraged to say they are sorry and look after the offended child by asking if they are ok. If a child tattles we try not to fix, instead empathize thereby encouraging independent conflict resolution and healthy boundary development.

Outside of the moment, we sing a sharing song during circle time and talk about what to do if someone has upset you or if you have upset someone else. This is done through questions, “what should you do if you hurt someone?”  We practice saying together, “I’m sorry” and “are you ok?” Children’s sense of safety after this conflict coaching increases resulting in more friendship and bonding. Landmark Preschool endeavors to provide a learning environment that is appropriately challenging and pleasurable preventing misbehavior while encouraging healthy relationships. 

Questions/concerns: At the beginning of the year we have a “greet the teacher” Day where children and parents meet the teacher and board members. Also once a month we have a newsletter that communicates learning activities, outings, and birthdates of children. There is a picture from the previous month included. 

There are 2 bulletin boards in entrance with various postings. At the sign in table handouts such as scholastic or newsletters may be found. Children’s names are found on table by each child upon arrival and taken to the classroom.  At Christmas we have a short play the children do for their parents and we all celebrate after with treats at tables. We love volunteers and need you to have an optimal learning environment. Teachers are available at the beginning and end of each day and at events for questions and concerns as well as by phone or email.

New Life Marriage Weekend

by Brenda Lysak

I am in my third marriage that has less potential then the previous ones. How do I handle the pressures of running a business out of my home while simultaneously teaching and directing a Preschool? Do I turn to vigorous self help, via counseling, books? Fake it until I make it? Is it even reasonable to expect success in any of the above?

Awhile back I submitted the story of how I was miraculously born again by reading and rereading Romans chapters 1 through 6.  When I first became aware of the reality of my marriage, no potential for good, and plenty for evil, the thought of going through yet another unforgiveable divorce, paralyzed me with fear. I sunk into the depths of despair.

After I got tired of being in the pits I turned to the scriptures again. After all 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says;  The whole Bible was given to us by inspiration from God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong; it straightens us out and helps us do what is right. It is God’s way of making us well prepared at every point, fully equipped to do good to everyone.  I had already experienced miraculous faith to believe on God and be saved; wouldn’t his salvation include other levels, such as my marriage? So back into the word I went. I read huge portions every day. Soon I was out of the pits. I felt God speaking in my heart that everything was going to be alright if I would trust Him.

Over the next four or five years I vacillated between hope and despair, to the degree I was in or out of the Word. As the years rolled on I became aware of my husband’s downward spiral.  Through a friend I realized my role of enabling the situation. I was still here so he was comfortable, no need to seek God as he had when we met. I believe it was a direct answer to the cries of my heart when I stumbled onto Andrew Wommack’s ministry. He preaches a radical gospel. Because of the time I had spent in the Word it made sense to me. It suddenly made sense to be baptized in the Holy Spirit. I knew I needed God’s power to even be a light to others let alone to my husband. I was just too human, so frail I worried there was no difference between me and unbelievers except perhaps that they were happier then I! 

I vacillated through the years desperately wanting out of this marriage.  But what I really wanted was to experience God. I wanted to see firsthand his power in this impossible situation. I knew all too well the flatness of escape and all the host of other problems.

I began downloading and listening to various message series from Andrew Wommack’s web site.  While listening to the Authority of the Believer I was moved to move. I emailed a letter to my husband stating what I would need from him if he wished me to remain in the same house. I let him know that I was not going to be a part of this decent into evil anymore.  I emailed him because he would not let me finish a sentence or thought in person. He refused to hear anything I had to say.

His response was to look after details of separation immediately.  He stated that we may as well make everything legal and I agreed. The following Sunday I fell off the wagon of “I am not going to be depressed or full of fear for one moment. I am going to dream about my house, garden and the loveliness of living without all the negatives associated with my husband.”  But three days later I fell apart. My tears may have started with grieving but quickly turned into panic, fear, and self pity. About 10AM I received a call from Denis inviting me to lunch. That sounded nice, maybe there was hope yet. By noon my eyes were so purple that I certainly wasn’t going public with them. Denis called to warn me that he would be late. I informed him that I couldn’t go. He could tell I was crying. Usually he seemed strangely content with me in the land of despondency. I decided that he wasn’t worth tears and hadn’t fallen apart over him in months, maybe years. His response this time was a complete surprise.

He came home and announced that he would go to a New Life Weekend with me.  That was one of two choices for counseling that I had listed in my email.  I continued through the remainder of the day feeling very low even as I was handed a credit card to reserve hotel, tickets, and airfare. As the dollars began adding up for the weekend, I saw my husband mourn the loss of money. I stopped and said “if you are doing this to placate me so I have nothing to say about anything, you are wasting your money!” I had already reserved tickets for the conference. There was silence for awhile and finally he said, “go ahead and finish.”

The next morning I woke up feeling optimistic again. Suddenly I realized what an attack from Satan all my sadness on Sunday had been.  I realized how important it is to resist the evil one. This was a huge step towards overcoming another slippery slide into depression.  There are many roads to depression. I have mourned and mourned the loss of my marriage on a dozen different angles, I do not need to go there one more time in Jesus Name.

Well, Thursday found us enroute to Washington DC for Steve’s first, all Marriage conference weekend. I kept thinking how Denis had no idea what he was getting himself into. He was avoidant of any and all wisdom and locked away inside at the age of 60 since 14. He misunderstood his family sending him away to a better school. There was a language barrier at school which he interpreted as rejection and vowed never to let anyone hurt him again. He was incapable of empathy or compassion and very defensive. He could not sooth himself with people, instead escaped with work, and sports, on and off TV.  However, neither could I.

A few of my friends and relatives informed me they would pray for us. I asked for specific prayers that Denis would not feel uncomfortable at the conference for a minute and come home out of that stuck place where he was locked away.  Both of those impossible prayers were answered before the weekend was over.

When it comes to describing the quality of that weekend, words escape me. The level of wisdom, the way we were helped to discover it, the power of group therapy and the hope and comfort of eight weeks of follow up.  Experiencing it myself and observing Denis was a study in contrasts. I had been to a weekend before and therefore was accustomed to the format. I have also had some counseling throughout my life that I would say 99% has been God ordained. I love getting wisdom so the wisdom dispensed this weekend had a foundation to land on. Not so for Denis, everything was new. Usually he would feel drained and hate learning so much so fast. That was not the case here. For one thing there wasn’t this huge drop of knowledge. Instead, the root problem was discovered and then solutions were modeled. Immediately after, we discussed and practiced in group therapy.

Before the weekend was over I sensed a happiness and peace of mind in my husband for the first time since meeting him. I was still slowly thawing out and wondering how long this would last. In spite of my coolness he remained and remains in this place of peace and perhaps even joy.

This is the power that I crave. This can only be of God. If our marriage ever looks like a marriage, that will be a miracle because we have zero potential. (It appeared to me from group therapy that potential has nothing to do with marital success.) I am excited to be a part of Denis coming out of his locked away place. I feel God’s powerful love towards me, another miracle.

Instant Pudding/Parenting

By Brenda Lysak

Sunday morning dawned with deep freeze temperatures. Azure and Zane, 5 and 2 year old grandkids had spent the night. They were coming to church with me. My church is a parking lot away from my front door. We got our breakfasts and pulled on our clothes and were soon ready for the short hike to church. As we stepped out the door the snow plow went by piling the snow into a meter and a half high mound all along the curb. The trail was not yet trampled down by school kids so we were going to have an adventure walking to church.


I had just joined a little neighborhood church. One sweet old lady introduced herself to Azure. She kindly explained that she knew her mom and dad and grandpa and to tell them hi for her. Her friendliness was met with cold rejection as only a child would dare.

When we came home after church my daughter made hot chocolate with miniature marshmallows for the children. I asked Azure why she hadn’t been nice to the kind lady at church. She said, “well, sometimes I’m shy.” I responded to this teachable moment with gusto.

“No Azure, you were not shy. You were snotty. When someone is talking to you need to smile and say hello and be nice.” I ended this teachable moment with the expectation that she would do better next time. I knew that my coaching had reached her heart when I overheard her teaching her marshmallows to be friendly.

I frequently babysit preschool kids and use these opportunities to build character. My heart is burdened by all the instant parenting I observe. Looking back on my childhood, I wish my parents and relatives would have loved me enough to invest in my character. My impression is that teachers and parents don’t want to be bothered with that level of involvement.

I do not know of another adult who enjoys small children like I do. I believe the difference is that kids are lovely to have around because I teach them how to behave. For example, when I decided to change Zane who is two, he protested as he often does for his parents. When I made the announcement that I was going to change his diaper and clothes for church he started a fit. I continued regardless expecting him to become compliant when he realized that his fit would not stop me. But his carrying on continued so I said sternly, “Stop it” and he did.

I have had a few such moments with his sister now five. That behavior has become extinct with me because she only receives the needed attention if she asks properly. Instead of rescuing her from her bad attitude, I coach her. For example; she gets frustrated if I don’t do everything for her. I coach her with soothing phrases like; sit down, use both hands, you are doing good, keep trying, be patient, and we have lots of time.

I learned from Kevin Lehman when my daughter was little that children know if they can push you and just how far. In his book, How to Make Kids Mind Without Losing Yours, he instructs parents to allow children to experience the consequences of their choices. The result is very little fuss when I address misbehavior.

With some common sense and wisdom children really are pure joy just as the Bible says. Interestingly kids are happiest in an environment where they must contribute in attitude as well as behavior. Building character makes parents, teachers, grandparents, and especially the child content. A child whose elders have invested in building character will be honored by the child.

Instant pudding or parenting seems easy but in reality grows more complex and discouraging each year. The world says the child will grow out of their selfish ways on their own. God says that discipline equals love and that we must do it awhile they are young.

Correct your children and they will give you comfort; they will also delight your soul. Proverbs 29:17